ReMindEd   •   May 7, 2017

As a mental health clinician, with a private practice and more than ten years working with people of all ages, THE MAIN ISSUE I SEE IS: Fear of the future. 

Think about it, most issues have to do with being afraid of what comes next, fearing whether there is more hard things, being certain the past will repeat itself. Things like, ‘I’m not safe. It’ll happen again. This keeps happening. What’s the point to all this. I have nothing to look forward to. I’m never happy. Things don’t work out. I’m not in control. Bad things always happen to me. This will fail. They will leave. I will be hurt again. It’s not worth it. I’m not worth it’.

Pretty common thoughts we all have sometimes, but lots of people have most of the time. And none of those thoughts lead us to laugh. It’s not funny to feel like that. It’s not nice. It’s dark, and cold, scary and sad. These things steal our hope. They kill joy.

Hopelessness kills joy

So often, people who experience suicidal thoughts are actually saying, “I wish all this crap would stop!” And because it usually hasn’t for some time, people lose their hope that positive change can happen. They believe joy is fleeting, if it exists at all, or that, perhaps others feel joy but not them. They believe there is no way out of their pain. Hence death becomes a viable option to end the pain. That’s one way to not have to fear the future…. or is it?

I don’t know about you, but I haven’t died to know if it solved my problems, ended my pain and was a better, safer outcome for me. And dying to see if it is, is a BIG risk. What if the other side of this life is worse? And what if there’s no way out of that existence? And regardless of what you or I or anyone else believes, we do not know.

“Better the devil you know“

We have all heard that expression. People settle for crap all the time in case leaving this ‘devil’ leads to finding a bigger one. We avoid pain. 

There is more to living than avoiding pain. Maybe life can be lived void of pain.

VOID OF PAIN

Now I’m under no illlusions that a completely pain free life exists. We all saw what that type of existence looks like, and costs, on the Netflix series, The 100!

Don’t take the chip!

And we wouldn’t, knowing what that costs, even if we are unaware of what we are doing after we take it. I actually think suicidal thoughts are ‘the chip’. Think about it, we are promised this painfree, solve-it-all ‘city of light’. The thoughts get more convincing, we are held to ransom: take the chip and be pain free or stay and suffer. It sounds like a great offer. And the longer we listen, the louder the voices scream and convince us there is no other option. Take the chip. End your life.

There is another option. We can learn to process pain differently. To void pain.

And I’m not talking about getting high, taking risks that lead to momentary euphoria, dancing between life and death. It’s not a pill, a chip or a death sentence. It’s a way to deal with fear. Because is it not fear that accentuates pain.

Pain exists. There may be things that hurt you, people that are unkind, outcomes that are unfair. Pain. But if we learn not to fear pain, we find freedom.

Glennon doyle Melton said: “a free woman is a woman who is not afraid”.

Fear is a choice. We can control our response to pain. We don’t have to heighten it with fear.

The quote I have added at the top of this blog, is a bible verse, but it’s also my right forearm tattoo. I tattooed it to remind myself that fear is a choice. That I can choose to laugh in fear’s face when I  know my strength. It’s also the fastest way to move from fear to joy. Laugh. And not in arrogance but with dignity. Knowing who you are. Knowing your own strength.

The interesting thing about this is the battle for our minds often starts with derailing our identity. The small seed of doubt, the whisper and smirk of a group of people you’re sure are talking about you. The ‘I told you so’ comments from yourself when something fails or disappoints. The promise we make to ourselves to ‘never let myself be hurt again’. We avoid pain.

Yet if we knew we could void pain, would it matter if it happened?

It still would hurt, but not as much. It wouldn’t last as long or plant so deeply. We could move through it quickly, and come out stronger and more foundated in who we are. Knowing that we deserve better. That things last only for a season. That this too shall pass. That there is hope for the future. That I am worthy of love and joy. That I am strong. That I can choose to stay. To live. That my life will not pay the price for the things that have hurt me, for the people who have caused harm, for the pain I have felt. My life deserves to live. I deserve to live. And that life can be great.

That’s my promise to you. That’s my offering of hope. Stay and see it get better.

#mayyoustay

is our campaign run throughout May to raise living awareness, to help people fighting for their life to know we stand and fight with you and for you. That you are worth fighting for. That your life deserves to be lived.

In all my years working mostly with suicidal people, I have never met anyone years later who has regretted not ending their life years ago when they were considering it. None. And I’m talking hundreds of people, most of whom I have seen or heard from, who are still here, and are so glad they are!

#mayyoustay

Choose to stay. Choose to fight through pain. To stand against fear and laugh in its face. It is possible to not be afraid of the dark. You just need to find a light. And that light is hope. You don’t need to take the chip to reach this city of light. It exists within you. Don’t let fear put it out. Death is not the answer. Fighting against fear is. And it’s easier than you think!

Please seek professional help. Talk it through. Find a therapist who specialises in mental health and suicidality to help you fight fear, find hope and be strong in knowing who you are. Come see me.

You needn’t fear the future.

You can live without fear of the future. 

#mayyoustay 

Fighting with and for you,

Sal,

Reminded mind health clinic

Coolum beach QLD

www.reminded.com.au