Fear and Love Can’t Coexist

ReMindEd • August 5, 2017

Iwas scrolling Facebook this week and I came across a post from a woman who was correlating her parents’ relationship with what she learnt about relationships. For her, watching her parents navigate an unhealthy relationship resulted in her decision to avoid commitment, keep people at a distance, and go after what she termed ‘freedom’ as the definition of ‘not being stuck’ in relationships that were long term, including, she said, marriage and parenting.

I was saddened to find the comments of women that followed her post, each agreeing with their own similar experiences of avoidance, defensiveness and protection. I would also call this decision fear.

My story sounded similar to this woman’s start in life, where my parents divorced when I was young, and there was much about what I was witness to, from many couples in my world, that may have led me to a similar decision as the writer made.

But I chose differently from what I learned. I chose to walk in the possibility of something different for my life. I learnt what not to do and what not to look for and what not to allow as part of my own world.

I made the conscious decision to see the possibility that love is stronger than fear

It’s a daily choice. A conscious effort. The intention to keep choosing love over fear.

Love, in its purest form, is perfect. It is the representation of pure light without any darkness or shadow. Pure love has no room for fear. They are opposite. I would also say, they are mutually exclusive. Fear and love can’t coexist. A lot of what we call love is not pure love. It is tainted by fear, therefore it becomes something else other than love. Perhaps that’s why we look to our feelings rather than something tangible; Why we fall in love and therefore can just as easily, just as quickly, just as accidentally fall out of love. Again, that’s not love. That’s a feeling of butterflies, the excitement of firsts, and infatuation perhaps. It’s not how love feels that makes it love.

Love, in its purest form is unconditional. It doesn’t depend upon the actions of another to be given. It doesn’t hold a record of wrongs or bring up yesterdays. It doesn’t get defensive or protective or afraid. There is no fear in love.

Love is a verb. It’s a doing word. An action. It looks like something. It becomes tangible. Love is evident. As is light, love leaves nothing hidden, nothing is unseen or unknown. Yet light still chooses to shine. There is nothing to fear, even dusty corners or broken things laid to the side. It exposes all yet still loves. There is a gentleness to the knowing. A freedom in being known yet still loved.

Loved despite me.

To be known entirely and loved completely. That is freedom. That is living.

Of course, we live here, in a hurting broken world filled with people of the same nature. The world aches in fear. I wonder what the world would look like were we each to actively be love. To show love.

It first starts with you. You can choose to love yourself. To know yourself and choose to love yourself regardless of the dusty corners and broken things laid waste. If we shone the light on each area of ourselves and chose to show ourselves compassion, kindness and gentleness, fear would seldom have anything to hold onto.

Fear of the unknown is strong with most people. We fear what we don’t know, see or understand. We also fear what we think ‘could be down there’. What if there is something we didn’t know was there? What if we are capable of darkness, destruction or hurting others. Let me tell you, we are all capable. There is always a fight for our sanity, our freedom, our love. We have darkness within us simply because it is around us. But mostly because we don’t shine the light on ourselves leading to us fearing the depths of our minds, our memories, ourselves.

It is possible to be so confident in your ability to swim that the depths of the water is irrelevant. If you cultivate love, if you intentionally choose to shine the light on the questions that go unspoken, the vulnerabilities of your heart from being hurt before, the unknown areas of your mind you think are so large and overwhelming, you will be pleasantly surprised how small these insecurities are compared to the largeness of who you are and your capacity to love.

You can choose to be love in the face of being hurt, of feeling afraid, of vulnerability or doubt.

If love is who you are, you need not be altered by who others are.

Be love. Regardless of feeling afraid. Choose to still be love. Because if your choice is not to be love, you will, by default, become fear.

Start with you. Choose to love yourself. Know who you are. Choose who you are. Be you. Show yourself kindness, self-care, gentleness. Speak truth to your mind. Be still amongst the storm. Choose to be brave regardless of feeling afraid. Bravery is also a choice found within love. It’s an action.