ReMindEd   •   June 24, 2017

I had the honour of speaking to a room full of women earlier this week. My topic was on identity.

Identity.

It’s one of my favourite topics, particularly for women, but also for men and teens and kids. It’s a human topic.

Identity is the sense of knowing who you are; of finding yourself and being happy with what you find; of celebrating your uniqueness; of truly believing you are enough. 

Of all the searches and paths in life’s journey, the search for our identity is the most significant and the most important.

Identity is about choice. It’s deciding who you want to be and designing your life around that picture.

If we truly believed we were enough, we would respond very differently to everything.

In your own life, you are the constant. We often run away from something or someone, but we quickly realise we are still here. If we believe we are enough, that we are doing okay, that we have within us everything we need, it wouldn’t matter what else happened externally, we would be steadfast within ourselves, knowing we were strong enough last time and we are strong enough again.

If you truly believe in yourself, that you are strong, capable, brave, and that you will be okay, we respond to situations rather than react. We choose how we respond based on who we are not on what has happened.

You are the constant in your own life. Wherever you go, whatever you do, you are there. If we become comfortable with our selves, confident in who we are, and convinced we will get through this, we will get through this!

Getting through requires doing something. We need to do through to get through. Hoping and even praying isn’t enough. Both may be necessary, but we need to make choices, choose a path, decide who we are. It looks like something.

It looks like brave. 

Brave is more than a feeling. It’s a decision. It can be part of your identity, of who you are. Brave is a choice. Then it’s an action. Because if we don’t walk in our identity, if we forget to be brave, we automatically return to fear. Fear is our default. Fear tries to protect us from being hurt again by assuming we are likely to be hurt again, by fearing hurt and pain and disappointment. Yes, fear makes sense. It has a purpose. But it also holds us back from being who we truly are. Because who we truly are is free. Fear inhibits freedom by telling us safe is better than sorry. The risk of pain is too great to take that next step. Trusting is too hard. Love is too vulnerable. Fear takes the extreme defence, protective stance that “I will avoid pain at all costs”. So we stop taking risks, stop making new friends, are on guard in every situation, hiding behind our false sense of protection. We end up missing the possibility for something great!

There is actually a more balanced position to take. One between the extremes of fear or complete vulnerability. It’s between the extremes of intimidation or invitation.

It’s called identity.

Identity speaks of weighing up risk, based on wisdom, previous experience, and choice. It works on the ideas that everything is braveable, it believes you are strong enough to handle anything, it understands that nothing can’t be restored. Identity believes you are enough to handle anything that happens. So you needn’t avoid new experiences, relationships, friendships, situations. If you know who you are, you also know that great things come from great risks, that there is no version of this that is failure, and that it could all turn out to be amazing! 

There is beauty that comes from ashes. Strength is made from arising after the falling. You don’t truly know who you are, until you have seen your own strength.

We learn who we are when all we have left is who we are.

Let me end this blog by writing what I read out over the women in the cafe last week. If you are brave enough, read it out loud over yourself. Dare to be believe its truth. Because it is true.

I am a woman. It is what I am. But who I am is up to me. I have within me everything I will ever need, to do all I want to do.

I am capable. I am strong. I can do hard things. Because I’ve done them before. And I will get through hard times. This too shall pass.

You will be okay. Everything will be okay. You haven’t come this far, to only come this far. Keep going.

Whatever you are doing now is enough. And you are doing really well. There is no version of this that is failure. You are enough, just as you are.

You deserve to be happy. You can be happy. If you want to be happier, be.

Be who you are. You are beautiful. You are capable. You are worth far more than gold. You are doing the best you can. Keep going. Keep building. Keep living.

Look for joy in each day. Be in love with your life. Be kind to yourself. Be love. Be you. Because you are lovely. You are enough, just as you are.

For you,

Sal xx

Sally runs a mind health clinic in Coolum Beach on the beautiful Sunshine Coast in Queensland, with her husband Grant. Together they have four children aged thirteen to five. Sally’s passion is mind freedom, to teach people to understand their own mind and change sub-conscious beliefs to be more consciously in control of their own mind, and therefore emotions and life.

Grant and Sally have created their own therapy by an eclectic mix of all the best bits of other, well-known evidence based therapies, whereby therapy is quick, easy and gentle. There is no need to go through past memories or traumatic experiences, they work with the presently-held beliefs of your sub-conscious mind, to change the foundations of your identity to beliefs you choose that serve you better now.

Individual counselling for all ages, couples therapy, family sessions. Group work, presentations, intensives, resource, training.

Taking bookings now: in clinic, via phone or Skype. Medicare rebates available with GP referral. www.reminded.com.au